10 months ago
Friday, December 07, 2012
Finding Mummies In All The Wrong Places
John Banning (David O'Hara) is a tomb raider who steals from tombs mostly in Egypt. After a run in with Jade (Sybil Danning), who tries to back out of deal she made with him, John is told about a tomb that is untouched but also unmarked. He is told of a legend where a woman discovers black magic and is buried alive because of it in an unmarked tomb. Of course John and his partner doesn't believe it until Nefratis (Michelle Bauer) shows up and starts killing while regaining her youth. John escapes, but Nefratis promises she will find him. She does in fact do that and puts John under her control. She wants back some of the things that John has sold off, which is when we meet David (Richard Hench) and Helen (Susan Stokey), who are related to the people John sold items to. Knowing their loved ones are in danger, or already dead, David and Helen team up to try and stop Nefratis from completing her plan.
I added The Tomb a while back. It was actually a different movie by the same title that I was looking for. There was like three horror films that Netflix carried all with the same title. While I knew which one I was looking for, I went ahead and added them all. This version wasn't the one I was first looking for. The Tomb is one of those movies that you can tell you are in for a bad film just from the opening sequence. When John meets up with Jade, it turns into a five against two, with John on the losing side. Once the shootout starts though, only the winning side gets shot and the airplane blows up after being hit once. That is some aim. Things get a little worse from there. There is some nudity to be found, which didn't surprised me one bit considering Fred Olen Ray directed. What did surprise me though was the people you would expect to show some skin, like Sybil Danning and Michelle Bauer, never do. I was never really sure what it was Nefratis wanted. I assumed that she was trying to become immortal, but not having to kill people the way she had been up to that point. Instead, she was looking to kill one person that could keep her young forever. Maybe the plan was explained better, but I was too busy making fun of things in my head to really pay much attention to the so called plot.
The special effects is something that managed to push The Tomb into even worse territory. It wasn't the gory effects that do this, since there really isn't any that I can remember, but the effects used for spells and such. I assume, but could easily be wrong, that these were CGI effects. I say I could be wrong since I'm not sure when they first started to appear in films, though I'm pretty sure they were being used before 1986. This is just what these effects looked like to me. Either way, they hurt the movie more than help it. The acting wasn't much better. While I didn't feel anyone was really just phoning it in, I didn't find the acting all that great either. While this has nothing to do with Michelle Bauer's acting, I kept thinking that there was a stand-in for her at times. She just looked very different in some scenes.
If you are looking for a good laugh, I'm sure you won't be too disappointed with The Tomb. I can't say that I ever got bored with it, but at the same time I kept checking to see how much time was left. Even though I had fun with The Tomb, it wasn't that much fun. There are some bad movies that I can actually look forward to seeing how bad it will get. Sadly, this wasn't one of those. I suppose it is interesting in a way in order to see someone like Michelle Bauer in an almost lead role. I can't say I have watched many movies with her in them, so I can't say for sure if she was ever a lead actress. All the same, I did know of her before watching this one. I'm sure fans of her will be disappointed though since she doesn't show anything. If you do decide to watch this one, know it isn't a complete waste of time, but it's sure close.
1 out of 5 I'm glad my mummy wasn't like Nefratis