Birthday Guest Blogging Part Four

For my fourth guest post, we get to hear from Stacie over at Final Girl. I can't really say that Final Girl was the first blog I ever came across, but it was certainly the one that stuck with me after seeing it the first time. When I came across it, I was looking for an idea as to what to make my own blog about. I had changed my mind about what to write about, swimming, so I suppose I could have just deleted the blog name, and come up with a new one once Stacie inspired me to give horror movie reviews a shot. Instead though, I just ran with what I had. When I came across Final Girl, I was first impressed that I had found another woman that loved horror movies as much as I did. That is what made me stick around at first. It took a few days before I decided I would give reviews a shot. I guess seeing another woman talking about horror movies, it didn't seem so impossible to me.

I don't think I actually started talking to Stacie though until she came up with the idea of her Final Girl Film Club. I jumped at the chance to be part of the club. I went on a good streak there for a while with the movies that she picked out. Sadly though, either the date would clash with something that I had planned for my own blog, or as more likely happened, I simply forgot. Still though, even though I kind of, sort of, took Stacie's idea of reviewing movies, she has always been very nice when talking to me, and very supportive. I know she doesn't have the market cornered on reviewing movies, but I wasn't out to copy anyone. Despite the fact that Final Girl was the first blog I became interested in, that isn't why it has become a favorite blog of mine. Stacie is always finding ways to make her blog fresh and more interesting. It has been fun to see Stacie take her love of the horror genre to new levels, even going as far as directing her own horror movie! It isn't so much her blog that has made it a favorite of mine, but Stacie herself. She has a style of writing that won't ever be matched. That is the main reason that Final Girl is still a favorite of mine.

Before I turn this over to Stacie, when she emailed me her write up, she had something to say that I just couldn't pass up commenting about. She had this to say about doing the write up: "Every frickin' day I'd write "Mermaid Heather" on my to do list (well, you know what I mean)...." Yes Stacie, I do know what you mean, but I have to say it anyway: Yes! Stacie is going to do me! Now that I got that out of the way, here is Stacie to talk about one of her favorite movies.

Anyone who's ever been a kid, had a kid, or seen a kid knows that there's no accounting for the taste of kids (to clarify: I mean that in a "what kids like" kind of way, not a cannibal way). While occasionally they like something that just so happens to be good, for the most part they wear weird clothes, they listen to horrible music, and take it from me- they like some really, really bad horror movies. I don't mean this as an insult in any way- rather, their lack of taste is one of the coolest things about children.

Why am I going on and on about children? Well, aside from the fact that I believe they are our future, let me explain. When Heather kindly asked me to write up a piece for her blogaversary about "a movie that's important to me", I had a bit of trouble choosing one. Should I talk about Friday the 13th Part 2 for the billionth time? Maybe the illicit feeling that accompanied my first viewing of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre? Perhaps I could discuss the first movie I reviewed on my blog…meh. It's all stuff I've talked about in one way or another (or another and another) already. Finally, I settled on Track of the Moonbeast (1976), a film that had a strangely profound effect on me when I was but a wee bonny lass.

For those who are unfamiliar with the movie (which may be most of you), it's about a dude who gets a piece of moon rock lodged in his brain when a meteor comes crashing down to Earth. As anyone who's ever taken a science class would expect, the moon rock causes the dude to occasionally turn into a rampaging lizard man. He kills some people, we get a big musical interlude ("California Lady" by Frank Larrabee- worth a Google), the lizard dude must die, the end.

Because I saw it when I was a child and because, as I said, children have no taste, I thought this movie was the shit. The title was amazing to me, and I found the entire affair rather terrifying. One scene in particular burned itself into my brain so hard that I'll be able to instantly recall it, I'm sure, until the day I die: a trashy woman has locked her trashy drunk husband out of the house. He's pleading with her to let him in, she's telling him to go to hell. The lizard man (or, I suppose, the titular Moon Beast) arrives and swipes at the trashy man; the man screams and, one assumes, dies. The trashy woman goes over to her front door to investigate, only to find a large puddle of blood oozing in under the door. She screams.

That scene killed me. KILLED ME. The reaction it evoked in me was as strong as those I've gotten since from movies like The Exorcist and yes, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. So why isn't Track of the Moon Beast ever mentioned as part of the pantheon of horror's best offerings…or ever mentioned at all? Well, because it's a terrible film! Haven't you been paying attention? Kids have no taste, and I was no exception.

I revisited Track of the Moon Beast decades after it gave me nightmares thanks to the advent of DVD, and I'll admit, I was pretty excited about it. While I was sure it wouldn't hold up, I was anxious to see THAT SCENE, to see if it was at all as I remembered it, and if it would have any effect on me as an adult. I'm sorry to say that even my low expectations were too high. The movie is almost unwatchable, boring to the point of coma-inducing, and not frightening in any way, shape, or form. And what of my scene, my special scene? It happens exactly as I remembered it, but I can't say it elicited much more than a giggle out of me. Track of the Moon Beast may have a certain cheesy MSTK drive-in charm, but that's about all it's got. Well, that and "California Lady", of course.

I'm not embarrassed to say that this movie was the be all, end all when I was a kid. If anything, I'm jealous of Little Stacie, that her face could be so very rocked off by such a piece of crap…because that's the feeling I'm still looking for when I watch horror movies. I want scenes to burn into my brain and keep me up at night. I want the next movie I watch to be the scariest I've ever seen- until it's usurped by the one I watch after it. It's why I try to dissuade myself from ever becoming too cynical about these things. If I can maintain that childlike attitude, that willingness to get swept up in the events unfolding onscreen (no matter how silly they may be), I'll be a happier horror fan. Sure, you'll all laugh at me, but that's probably going to happen anyway- even though I'm an adult, I still wear weird clothes.